OH MY GOD I REBLOGGED THIS BEFORE I READ THE COMMENTS AND HOLY FUCK
I CAN’T BREATHE
“I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.”
Other than the fact that Star Trek: Into Darkness felt like a loving, lingering caress to a man’s undercarriage (that’s ballsacs for you and me), it felt like the validation that the first movie hadn’t knobbed off to a climax. The sequel confirms that the ’09 reprise is this generation’s Star Trek without signs of dad-shaming or radicalization- just a surplus of feelings that can power entire third-world nations with its ability to induce spasms. There’s also the matter of imbalance in the portrayals of characters, which can easily be explained without wank, but it’ll still sound like a load exploded across an unwilling face.
It is unavoidable that Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch’s Khan is spoken of because HOLY SHIT, HAVE YOU SEEN THAT SHIT. EVEN HIS BLOODY EYEBALLS CAN ACT. DID YOU LISTEN TO THAT MONOLOGUE, THERE WAS SO MUCH EMOTION UNDER THAT THIN VENEER OF CALM BARITONE, AND THOSE FUCKING EYEBALLS SLOWLY WELLING UP AND IT LOOKS SO OSCAR-WORTHY IN IMAX. THEN THAT SINGLE FUCKING TEAR FOLLOWED BY ANOTHER TEAR AND THAT SPLIT-SECOND WHERE HE CATCHES HIMSELF AND IS LIKE, “NO. MY PEOPLE NEED ME”.
AND THEN THAT PART WHERE HE WAS “YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME SLEEP” LIKE THAT ONE ODD ROOMMATE YOU ACCIDENTALLY WOKE UP WITH YOUR ALARM CLOCK IN UNI. DON’T EVEN LET ME GET STARTED ON THOSE EYEBALLS AND THE POINTS IN CONVERSATIONS WHERE HIS FOREHEAD WRINKLES CHANGE AND IT SUDDENLY CHANGES THE FLAVOR OF HIS DARK CHOCOLATE WORDS. THEN THERE’S THE BITS WHERE HIS STIFF, DISCIPLINED POSTURE SLINKS INTO A BADASS WARRIOR STANCE AND HIS RUNNING. HIS RUNNING FORM IS SURPRISINGLY BEAUTIFUL.